Anxiety Forum

[BEDLEMKNOB]

I have had depression/OCD since I was little (40 years ago) and never knew I had it. I dealt with it in the best way I knew how. I have gone through therapy a dozen times or so within the last 15 years and have been on large doses of Prozac & Wellbutrin after mucg trial & error.

I am tired of the drugs, I am tired of the doctors, I am tired of being like this.

I have gone through a lot during my life- my father & brother dying in 1998 & 2000, childhood events, alcoholism & drugs to self-medicate, my husband going through cancer (& recovering), this whold depression/OCD thing. I have been off the alcohol for 4 years. Everyone is so proud of me and tells me how well I have handled all these obstacles. That's what appears like on the outside.

I have worked hard on dealing with this problem and I am tired of working. I am tired of going to the psychologist and going through the same thing over & over again. I am tired of family suggesting that I go back to the doctor. It just goes on and on. I just want to be like a normal person.[/list]

[ligeia]

I know it is so hard. I am still very young (early twenties) but I too have suffered from severe depression and lots of anxiety since childhood. It was undiagnosed until I turned 21 when I would suddenly burst into tears at random times and could not get out of bed, had suicidal ideation etc.

Sometimes it just really sucks when you feel like you've gone to therapy, been on all these drugs and suffered for all these years to no avail. I feel your pain. But it will get better. Just keep chugging along, you will find the right therapist who really can answer your questions and guide you into relief, just like the right psychiatrist will understand you and all of your complexity and help you find the way to health.

[BEDLEMKNOB]

Actually I have found a good psychiatrist (medication is monitored every 6 months) and a good psychologist (who I go to several times at least once/year). I'm just tired of going, tired of the whole situation. Sorry to sound so negative. I guess I am just weary of chugging.

I know you can understand what I am going through and I am thankful to learn you are on the right track. I think it would have been easier for me if I had started the process earlier.

I would just like to "snap" out of this whole thing- regain motivation, no drugs, no wierd thoughts.

[ligeia]

Yeah, chugging sucks. I have been going to the same psychologist for three years and I just had a big talk with my psychiatrist (the only of my doctors who I think TRULY understands me) and it seems as though right now it is not as much a medication issue as it is a fundamental view about myself issue that needs to be worked on. It sucks. And then my doc asks why my psychologist and I haven't been able to really address these problems and the answer is I don't know. Then I start to think it is my fault, like am I deliberately not saying the right thing to her, or is she just not quite the right therapeutic fit for me right now, but I want to think that she is, how do you know if you're not being helped by your therapist or if therapy is not working and that kind of thing. *sigh*

Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed that I want to just lay in bed and not worry. Plus, I get so tired from all the anxiety or depression that it's hard to function at times. Some days are better than others and today is a kind of worrisome day. Gosh I'm so tired. And my boyfriend is annoyed that I am wanting to hang out with my neighbor tonight instead of going out because my neighbor happens to be in town, he is usually away. My boyfriend would rather go do something else, because my neighbor and I have not seen each other in a long time and usually we just sit in his kitchen and talk and hang out. I don't know if my boyfriend wants to go out dancing or drinking or something but he knows I can't drink because of my medications. Eh I dunno. Rough day today. I can do it it just won't be easy.

[jane99]

Boy do i know the feelings of being sick and tired of myself. I hope that you can get to the point where the depression isn't something separate from you. I think when we take responsibility for ourselves, we feel some relief. It's like - hmmmm,,,, if this is "my deal" then i should be able to do something about it. Instead of making it something outside of us that we do not have control over. Does that make any sense at all
peace & love,,,,,,,,,,

[Be_Free_21]

[mayrose]

I've lived my whole life with this-and for the last 7 years have been on medication. I too jst want to feel 'normal'-whatever that is. I want to wake up feeling happy and alive-not sad-and dreading another day.
I have moments of happiness-but they are short lived. My depression has isolated me from loved ones-as they can't understand it-and don't want it-like an infectious disease.
I'm reading a good book right now by Stephen Levine-and his journey-and trials and tribulations-to get to a place of spirit-a higher power-so to speak. Perhaps that's true for all of us who suffer from this-something is telling us we are so much more-but our rational mind refuses to get it.
Add to student debt-and other debt--my rational mind can't focus on the beauty in life anymore--where at one time I could-even though I did have this disorder. Many life situations brought me to this place-and now it's my work to get to a better place-because I deserve it-and so does everyone here. Mayrose
_________________
Looking for support and answers-since I suffer from anxiety disorder

[ski-li]

[Anxieteer]

BEDLEMKNOB, I am only 24 but I relate to your feeling tired of it all. I am tired of suffering and listening to the same advice -- exercise, stay busy, see a doctor/therapist -- that hasn't worked. People in my life have been very kind about it, but they just don't understand. I joined this forum because I thought maybe people here would understand.

[Denise]

I would like to recommend a book "Essential help for your nerves" or "Peace from Nervous Suffering" by Claire Weekes. Reading her book(s) was a miracle for me. I couldn't believe I spent so many years suffering with anxiety and depression. If you feel inclined - you can order it used online.
Take care,
Denise

[BeachGaBulldog]

I have suffered from the same symptoms since I was a teen,( I am 4, and have dealt with similar circumstances. My mom was my best friend, and I lost her in 1992, age 51, to breast cancer. My father was physically and verbally abusive towards me.
Like you, I have been going to therapy, and have been on meds since 1992. I am tired of the counseling, pills, and tired of dealing with life.
My life is just as lousy as its always been, and no matter what I have tried to do, it hasn't changed.
To say that I am mentally exhausted would be one of the biggest understatements ever.

[Anxious Frank]