Anxiety Forum

[Angel]

Okay.

Agoraphobia was the worst feeling in the fucking world. The only thing i kould kompare those feelings to is Overdosing on Cocaine. That was pretty painful.

But man, those were some hard times. But you know, you get over it.

All of a sudden you start to look at things differently. Not exactly change your whole perspektive, but do things differently.

I started eating healthier and beating the fuck out of a punching bag, so i kould stay fit and i had quit smoking cigarettes and was in a few bands and everything was great. I even met a girl...whom is sleeping next to me in her bed...right now.

Music is Life.

The ability to express your deepest sekrets, fantasies, morals, stories,thoughts...or to just produce music that sounds like it should just be.

Well It felt good to finally do what i wanted...which is jam onstage and at parties and what not.

Well, one is on hiatus...probably for ever, one is going no where....and nobody ever talks about it anymore, and i got kicked out of another.

I thought, big deal...at first.


"Ill be able to fucking work on my solo work, more."

But seeing the guys that are in a "band" with me, forming different and much better sounding things. and seeing my former band members kontinuing with their performances, and i wishing i was there...has been taking a toll.

I always said nobody is serious.


But the truth i think is, i'm not good enough.

I'm not going to be kompletely degrading towards myself, but i honestly think, if i am what other people say i am (which i hardly take seriously...but its nice to hear) then why am i bandless?

I have been thinking about that alot. not what other people say, but what i said tomyself at one point.

I used to say "I am aktually up here in the center...doing what i love to do...and no one kan take this moment away."

And BAM!

All of a sudden, its a fucking past time.

Its been months since i last jammed, when it used to be every weekend.


Fuck it though.

things will get better.

If not, well then ill save up and rekord an album by myself....then get members to play my musick...a composer....wow.

too bad nothing i have ever made is komposer material...yet.
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Her mind a machine, a repetitive thing.

[shoe]

[squirt]

The harder I work the luckier I get both in life and with overcoming my anxiety. hang in there, I'm sure your day is coming