Anxiety Forum

[lulaboo]

Hi its lulaboo and it's been awhile since I've been around here. For the most part I had been doing pretty good or at least thought I had been until over the last month or probably just a little bit longer than that. A little of it I'm sure is post holiday depression but alot more of it has been me running myself ragged in the mental sense with trying to get a job and not getting one yet. I know at this time of year it's pretty difficult to get one in the fields I'm skilled at (Retail, General Labor, Management) that has been a problem I could cope with. What I couldn't deal with recently was this little something inside that decided to throw up all this way back hurt and anger I didn't know I had bottled up.
In a way it feels like I've been really hard on punishing myself because I haven't been able to get a job yet (To spite my knowing it would be tough) Any small to big steps I've made to improve my life over the last year seems to have been nothing at all when faced with that. Add to that being really stressed out about having to be in court twice in March...

I've been hiding from alot of it all for a little while moreso being social with my friends especially for a little over a week now. I've become so obsessed with the stresses of getting a job and having to be in court, it's honestly all I can think about as well as be that upset over. I haven't been able to eat or sleep much over the past few weeks and have basically gotten back down to the point mentally that I can't deal with anything anymore. Even sticking to a simple daily routine has become difficult for me over the last week. I know I have alot of work cut out for me with dealing with the past history stuff and have pretty much decided I do need some kind of therapy to help sort it out but a problem with that is having it come up at this time, and with court in mind... There's just something in me screaming that I'm giving up just to get out of that, and common sense is arguing back there's no way to get out of court, I just need help with other issues I have. Aside from that with not having a job at this time, well I'm already guilt tripping myself about having to ask my dad for the help to see a doctor first.
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I'm not hiding, it's just really warm and comfy underneath all these blankets (^.^)

[shoe]

is the court thing a jury duty thing or related to something else? If its jury duty related, you might be able to get out of it if you have a therapist write a note or something. I would try to get your dad to help with the therapist if you can.. might be hard to ask for it but you gotta do what you can with what you have

[lulaboo]

I wish it was for jury duty but unfortunately its for old bills which is why I've been running myself ragged with trying to find a job. To the point that the stress and depression of not finding one yet has burned me out and I can't deal with anything anymore. I talked to my dad who's going to help me as much as he can and I finally mustered up the courage to begin calling around to a few places to look into what help is available. Round two begins tomorrow but I'm beat and have to do something to help myself out of this because I want to lead a productive life again darnitt!
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I'm not hiding, it's just really warm and comfy underneath all these blankets (^.^)

[shoe]

There's some people who are living on disability with anxiety disorders, I'm not sure if a depressive disorder would qualify for disability.. but it would be nice to have something to pay the bills while you can't work. I don't know who to ask regarding that though, other than a lawyer maybe.

I know how stressful it is looking for a job, I sure wish it were an easier process... but good for you for getting the courage to call around Hope something comes along quickly