Anxiety Forum

[Fear]

My parents are going to get a laundry for me,coz I can't find a job.SO now I'm going to learn the job from the old owners,I'm even getting fond of them,that's crazy.I'm gonna try to take more distance,or feelings are going to influence me too much.I too much like cuddles,you know!.IN every possible sense.
At first I thought the job sucked,but now I find the passion and the dignity in it.
My parents and everybody else always treat me like a child and the say I'm good.All I do is being apathetic,my problem is people.That's kinda annoying;when you do what everyone wants you to do,they love you,when you do what you wanna do you are the bad and parasite.Yeah,I try to do a lot to help others to compensate for what I can't do in the rest,but no one get it.Oh well,I wanna make people feel proud of me and I exactly know how to do that.But I feel dirty.
I feel in blame for my brother.We've always been treated differently at home.I've always been protected and my brother,instead,had to deal with his problems on his own.HE was annoyed and wondered why my father never told me:"Take your ass out of here and go looking for a job!!" while this was said to him only after 3 days school was over.SO now they are even going to find me a job.
I didn't know if I should take advantage of the opportunity,or just say no and keep waiting to have the guts to adapt myself to jobs.AT the end I just said nothing.I didn't have chance to move on,coz I don't move.They only know me as shy,a little girl to fuckin' protect all the time.My brother see me that way too.We're not enemies,we used to be.He invites me here and there ,like his friends,and me always saying no for obvious reasons.
I always get anxious (that makes you feel down to earth at times),before going to the laundry.
PArents and everyone always making sure people treat me good.
I try not to behave like a child,even though I am for some things;I hope this is for everybody not just for me.BUt I'm not fucking 3 years old!!!That's another reason why I try To take distance,I want them to know I'm not stupid.I know what happens or not in my life.They always get distorted ideas,anyway.I try to learn doing things,coz it is necessary to "say" what I can't say in words.But they don't fuckin' get it!!THey think I got a good soul,damn!SO I stay serious and pissed off and they don't know why!If they could know what's in my mind,they'd find out,there's a lot I should be blamed for.I try to treat fairly my brother to make him understand that my general behaviour does not depend on the fact that I wanna take advantage of my "position".My behaviour is dictated by something that I can't control.
I even try to behave normally but sometimes I'm just euphoric and I do and say stupid things.I act bullshit.

How do you deal with people in your job?!

WHat I am inside is way more strong than what I'm able to show

[Fear]

I even got to find a name,any advice?

[Fear]

why don't you answer me?

Well I'm going to speak anyway.I'm nervous.I gotta go there this afternoon.
That's funny,uh?All I wanted was to have control on my life and not being controlled,but now people has got 360° of control!
I HATE IT!
My role in this is even as a partner or associate however you all call it.AT 21 Years old,without experience at all,coz I've never worked!!FUCKIN' DAMN!
I'm caught by the fear of letting down the expectations;I feel pressure on me.I'm worried.
I'm social phobic and the other woman who has lots of more experience and is 40 or more wants to invite people to make them know who we are and stuff,drink something,...inauguration,you know Fuck
We're only two in this and everybody expect to gain lots of money.
I thought I should pretend not to be there.In part some of my feelings are already erased.

[duddits]

Hi Fear, I don't think we've ever talked before. I'm also regret not being here to respond back to you. I can totally relate to what you're saying, I've had that same feeling and life up until almost three years ago. Believe it or not, I always sheltered by my parents, and I believe that had helped develope social phobia. Without getting too deep, I didn't get my first job until I was 22 years old (25 years old now), and I wasn't the one who went out and basically got the job for me. My mom got it for me . Why? I guess I wasn't persistant or assertive enough to get my own job; being picky with jobs didn't help me either. Fast forward to today, I'm living out on my own, getting ready to go for another job that I went and got myself.

You just have to take advantage of opportunties that are put in front of you to make them work for your own advantage. I work in retail currently for a corporation and I can tell you that is probably one of the worst things to go into. I've let my social phobia keep me in the background, to the point where I've hindered my climb up the corporate ladder . I've managed to keep my position at this said job so long because I've become comfortable doing what I do, and I'm basically the only where I work that is knowledgable in what I do. It's a level of confidence that you gain that you forget you have social phobia sometimes. I suggest learning all you can from the previous owners of this laundromat service, since you already seem to be somewhat comfortable with them, I would ? Over time, you'll gain that level of confidence where even somethings do go wrong, you'll still feel on top of the world. After all, it's your own business

Are you taking any medications by the way?

Also, if you feel like talking via msn, PM me for my email address.
_________________
Always,
James

My Other Sites: Social Anxiety Disorder

[Fear]

I'm so happy I'm not the only one.I see we're like the same.That day,it was "fun",coz I was anxious as never before but when I got there it was just normal,inside of me.Anxiety is not always there,in all the typical situations we have it.Sometimes it's just not there for no reason,this makes me feel stupid coz it gives me the idea I'm inventing everything.But when I feel back those sensations I'm just sure I'm not fake in what I think is going on.I never said this to anyone for the reason I told you in the first place,but sometimes I think:"Yeah,I don't care,it would be cool to just take a fuckin' pill and say I'm fine".Whatever I'm just human.
Anyway,I always try to have more and more respect of me and other people,I basically try to make everyone happy for what I can,that's why it gets frustrating,you know?
About learning:I always try to do that coz I wanna "conquer" my own life,so I try to learn as more as I can about everything,never losing hope,never giving up inside of me,coz I don't wanna be a prisoner for my whole life.There are things that I feel I gotta do and people have to get that.I'm persisntent in my beliefs,really really persistent.If there's something that lifts me up is the idea of having a kind of independence.
Someone here a bit of time ago said:"You identify with your social phobia;well you're not social phobia"And he was right.I remind myself my goals evry single day,and it makes me feel good.You know it's true I dream a lot,but if I wouldn't be doing it I would be nothing.I got lots of interest so.
I always think in the eye of independence,even when I act I'm not and I feel ashamed of myself.I'm working on accepting this,I'm trying to build my life around it.I don't forget I got a personality.I want people not to think I'm just what they see,but lots more.That's why I said inside I'm way more strong than visible.

[Fear]

I really appreciated your answer,thanks.

[duddits]

You're most welcome.
_________________
Always,
James

My Other Sites: Social Anxiety Disorder

[Benjamin C.]

it sounds like your parents are just being parents, it sounds like you are geeting older and you not a child no more.!!! Somtimes when we get older we still assume our parents are always gonna be the same!! Its not true they change too, there needs from us there needs from the world everything.....maybe this is a sign that is letting you know that it is time for you to mentally start depending more on yourself for your energy and start believing truly in your own success and your own perfect life!! I only say this becasue im in the same postion , im 25 years old i have a twin, and we both live at home...theres three of us and when my brother and I are with my mother its always a war, only because we both want differnt things from our mother, he still relies on her for emotional support and i for fiancial so it shows you that we have different needs and our mother too wants different stuff from us...Anways dont be affraid of people.....you create the what u want from people., so essentailly there all there to help you !!! stay positive

[Fear]

no I don't think that's the case.I mean instead,that I really would like to be independent but I can't for the same reason that got me here in the first place.I started to think to be an individual,like everyone else able to make a living for herself.I wanna think it that way.But that's too complicated,reality is different,because my parents make feel like a little girl,my brother too,they are always understanding even when I mistake (all three I mean),and that's not fair!Everybody even the neighbourhood,friends of my parents,of my brother,relatives.So it comes frustrating coz sometimes (i look lot younger than I am and people dont lose time to make me fuckin' notice!)I look in the fucking mirror and see the little girl they normally see!
So the image I got of myself in my head is a lot different and when I see the things the other people see of me I start to see them too and my image is destroyed and far to reach.I try and tried to be that person but it is way more difficult than you can imagine.I know who I wanna be but I always find obstacles all the time.
My father for example is one of those people that jokes all the time,when at home,especially with me,coz we have fun together.I like that,it's fun.I always laugh of those stupid jokes however they are,with whoever I am.But when I try to be my age my father kids me and I find it really embarassing,I know I shouldn't be complaining of that (he doesn't play that way with my bro)but when it comes to show you've grown up,he does one of his faces in front of everyone.They look at you and him and they don't get it.I mean if I make up my dad and my brother start:"Oh where are you going,you're so cute,..." Going on this way,but kidding.
The relationship between my bro and I is kinda complicated.As I said before we usually hated each other,he was kinda annoying and me too for revenge basically.He used to be very naive (and still is) although his older than me and he didn't care about studying helping stuff like this.I was the one who was working the fuckin' ass out for school all the damned time.Now I should start another argument in here about school,studying,...but it's too long.
My dad was daily pissed for that reason.He's one of those people who started working very very young and reminded us everyday.My bro made mistakes and I tried to learn from his mistakes to avoid the pressure of a dinner with my dad talking and telling you how asshole you are at not doing your job.
Growing up me and my bro became friends;we understand better our both situations (even if there are still lots of unsaid things) and try to help each other.My bro and my father are not that enemies too anymore,but my father is proud and he will never let you know that he's happy of your job.He would tell me,and that piss me off,a whole lot!!!I mean why don't you go telling your son too!I don't wanna be the perfect person saying this I just wanna people to know that that's not what I asked,that was given to me without asking!